Suffering in the Night

Perhaps the most difficult thing for me to come to grips with during Jacob's battle with cancer was the seeming uselessness of suffering all alone in the middle of the night for no apparent gain. At the time I thought the only redemptive thing about Jacob's pain and suffering must be that others will be made stronger by witnessing it. I remember the anguish of a particularly difficult night near the end of his life being the seeds for this poem. It is the best expression and sense I could make of what I am certain was happening between Jacob and his Lord during those last long nights. The drama was no longer public. It was an intimate conversation with Jesus.

Suffering in the Night

What value to the Kingdom

Are agonies in the night

Where few folk get to see them,

Being shrouded from their sight?

What gain is there in heaven

When a small one cries in pain?

Is pain part of the leaven

Working through the child for gain?

How can we find a reason

In what others cannot see?

What fruits from such a season,

If there’s no one there but me?

‘Tis fruit not meant for my plate,

Pain not meant for my gain,

For the Lord works in his soul late

When my small one’s wracked with pain.

That last small bit of dross still

His Lord would burn away,

And loose him from his flesh and will,

That he’d not long so to stay.

‘Tis value to the Kingdom,

When a small one gains his prize

Though fought for in a struggle

Hid well from mortal eyes.